my twenty-sixth birthday arrived sudden and unwanted.
i got used to twenty-five. it’s a nice, round, bold number yet youthful and vibrant.
twenty-six is closer to thirty than to twenty.
it carries a heavier burden of all the promises I made to myself but wasn’t able to keep. and they hurt. so much.
i am not the person i wanted to be. i am not where i wanted to be.
all my life I found comfort and warmth seeking refuge in my ephemeral world of dreams and imagination, neglecting the actual reality. my happy place has always been closing my eyes and imagining the life i wanted.
it’s hard to think about whatever you’re creating without an ounce of the little dear wish in your heart that other people might see it, and maybe even like it. And we’re living in a time where it’s more than possible to reach likeminded human beings online or offline, from all around the globe. I am publishing these things online because they feel good for me - diary entries always helped me to see a little clearer. But it’s also nice to hear that other people can understand my tangled thoughts and even identify with them sometimes.
There are moments in my life where I feel dazzling sparkles of electricity exploding in my body like fireworks. My heart starts beating faster and I know something important and good is about to happen. They are very rare and short, I count them in one hand; but so far, each and every one of them has changed the course of my life a little. In those moments, I have a superpower. I know something nobody else in the entire world knows. I am very jealous of those moments and I've never shared them with anyone. I cherish and treasure them thoroughly. June carried one of these moments.